If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
