We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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