a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
