my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
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