I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
