Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
