yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I know her cup size but not her name....
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
