he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
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They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
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I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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