pop tarts are not kleenex
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
