I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
