I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
