your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
