$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Randomize
