I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
