I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
