i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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