Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
