i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
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We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
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You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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