I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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