What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
