I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
