could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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