I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
