I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
