She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
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thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
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Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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