we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
