how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
