My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
