My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
