Already got asked if we're dating
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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