Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
