Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
