Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize