I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
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I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
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I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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