i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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