I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
