I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
