You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
