she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
