I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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