The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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