Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
