I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
