She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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