glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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