dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
