Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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