You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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