I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
