New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
