I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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