Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I love you.
Bad choice
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
