Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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