why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
