dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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