If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
