WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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