She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
