Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
