Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
