I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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