We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
