Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
