420 ftw
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
