I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
