you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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