i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
