Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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