I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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