I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Randomize
