you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
